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Lost in the Woods....

'm sitting here listening to slow jams from RICHARD MARX and STEVIE WONDER and i'm just daydream...about what? just picturing one of these songs in a movie having one of those really sappy and breathtaking scenes : )

I'm real sap...bare with me (hope you guys aren't freaking out lol)

But ya...I sometimes picture myself in a movie and then out of nowhere I bump into my true love...kinda like a Romeo and Juliet moment...errr i'm really getting weird : S

Ya i'm going to stop there. If you want to hear more about this with me, talk to me about it hahaha you'll laugh your head off but *sigh* oh how romantic : ) i'm still waiting on my boo : P

"and you and i were meant to be, and you would know, i was sure by the end of this song"


But if you want to learn about 'true love' read the oh-so-famous chapter about love, 1 corinthians 13.... and I guess I have a lot to learn. Don't get it twisted! Love ain't so real until you read this chapter.(thts wat a wise guy says) Love your parents, your friends, and everything God has given to you. Don't take it for granted.

Later shorties. I'm out.

1 cor. 13:13 - "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Ripped Jeans...

Karl Marx’s dad was a banker. He loved the mark, adored the dollar, pondered of the pound. His main interest was the interest rate; he could hardly contain himself when he counted up his capital. Karl, the son of a banker, banked his all on a capitalist fall.

It never came. A socialist science doesn’t need to theorize greed. Motor-sport; who owns it; what makes it run? Remove the cigarette money, and the wind no longer puffs your sails. Associate smoking with risk taking petrol-heads, the speed-demons of the track; ‘Smoking Kills’ is now inhaled for the thrills and spills. A fast life requires an expensive habit; a certain style needs a specific brand.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v600/krsnafreestyler/jeans.gif


Weathered jeans worn through on the factory floor; skin peeking out, breeze blowing through. ‘Excuse me, would you knock some money off these jeans, they look to be in a pretty bad shape?’ Thin at the knees, weak at the back, falling to bits on the changing room rack. ‘That’s the look Sir, the high prize of fashion.’ Your next motor will be at the cutting edge of fashion, delivered with a bald tyre, to match that worn look. Go on, smack through every fourth wall in your house, rugged and weathered is the style.

Do we beat our parents through rebellion; accept cancer as a friend, and follow a defective trend, just because we must.

“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”

When the DARK SIDE decides to attack...

I am being plagued by a beast. It is in my home, unwelcome, unwanted.

Where it came from, I don’t know.

Why it is here, I cannot say.

But it means to rile me…

It all started first thing Wednesday morning. My alarm went off at six am, I groggily thumped it in order to end the clattering cacophony coming from my bedside table, then I pulled back the covers and sat up.

Almost immediately – with no provocation on my part - I was set upon by a winged serpent, dive-bombing me kamikaze-like from the roof: it swooped from the ceiling straight at my face, then pulled up at the last minute.

I leaped about six feet off the bed in terror, screaming “fuck!” in a voice so loud that the neighbours next door began thumping at the wall.

Then I saw it….

Perched on the door - laughing at me – was a moth. And not just any moth – this was the Godzilla of moths. This was Tyrannosaurus Moth. This was Darth Moth. This was one of the Four Horse-moths of the Apocalypse.

This was a moth that came straight from Hell….

And it was here for me…

Quickly, I eyed the room for some form of weapon to defend myself against the demon; my eye fell on a brush, still leaning against the wall from where I had been cleaning the night before. That would be my only salvation.

But the dragon was between the brush and me, and it was waiting for me to make the first move. I could hear it taunting me – “You want that brush, don’t you?” it was saying. “Then take it. I am unarmed. Strike me down and your journey towards the Dark Side will be complete…”

The last thing I wanted to do before breakfast was to turn to The Dark Side, but I had no choice. Moving with speed, I leaped across my bed, rolled Ninja-like on the floor and grabbed for the brush.

But the flapping gargantuan was already upon me, and as I reached to defend myself, it attacked - banging off my face, fluttering around the back of my head, soaring high, then swooping to attack once more.

I waved my arms around like Kermit the Frog in an attempt to deflect it, but the punishment still came.

Then abruptly, the attack ceased. I slowly scanned the room to see where the pestering pterodactyl had gone to, but it was nowhere to be seen. With my brush held in front of me, tightly in both hands like a lightsaber, I slowly searched the room – but my winged nemesis had vanished.

Unfortunately it hadn’t gone for good…

and when the dragon returns i hope to fight back,and send it to its doom.................... stand over its CORPSE and say "REST IN PEACE"
until then " MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU"

When Confusion prevails ...

i really am confused...most of the time i repress what i feel just to get all this confusion out of my head..i ignore facts and live up life that seems to be ideal..or is it? some says im really confident with everything that i do...or everythintg that i say...but gosh if only someone knows how i really feel inside they'll say that im not really anything ryt now...i mean..i dont think i have a talent..im not powerful or anything..my life seems so ordinary..
and people always go away...well i even dont know if those who are ryt beside me are true friends..(although some are)...since i was young all i want in lyf is to be happy...but there are always circumstances that makes it so unhappy...
i know i shud not be saying this because still im lucky in one way or another because my life has been normal..but if there are already things that bothers me...i cant tell it to anybody anymore...well i tell it to other people but in a way that says..hey i have a problem but i can handle this..well i always say that..and actually i really cant...well i knw i havent experienced the worst yet but there a saying that says suffering is the same for everybody..(not really the exact words)..so when i suffer..i really do suffer...hahay..so drama ako ngayon..well thats my life...

"Longing"....

At a point where I'm lost for words
at the end with jus my heart
it's much too cliche
but I'll give it all
than to lye in wait
never knowing
a perfect moment

it's tough that time is against us
your touch fleeting
I miss you so damn much..
as if I do not have enough on my mind
i'm tired of the world
waking up beside you
a memory by which I last each day

I figure I might be obsessed
cos I get nothing done
shut my eyes
and you're standing before me
but ending far too soon
your face etched into my hands
arms outstretched
my silent cry

it hurts to love
so hard, so fast, so real
a tear is shed today
for a tomorrow that is brighter
a painful past
an unsure future
i know not what it holds
promise..
hold nothing back


I've gazed into your eyes a thousand times before.. I've held your hand and kissed your cheek.. and each time I hold you close... i secretly wish.. you would embrace me as you own.. but you show no willingness to open your soul.. it hurts me.. that you shown me nothing after all this time.. i was helpless lost and unsure.. it hurts me.. that you've shunned me.. locked your feelings away.. now i blame you for all the turmoil i feel inside.. i know not love.. or how to love.. i know neither what i want.. nor who to trust..

and as the song goes...............

"A lifetime of fear.. so close to the edge ready to leap off..
Caution flutters in the wind.. This one leap..
and theres no turning back.. Fly or die.."

A fantasy is truly ethereal until you wake up and realize its nothing but thin air, the lines for my fantasy gal always existed but she is nothing but thin air for me till now........................ if only...only if

no 1 knows u like a Stranger

Its always in a times of loneliness that people express and reminisce of love. A feeling lost and barely out of reach. A memory vivid yet never quite enough.. for you say love is an eternal presence.. one who has walked out of your life.. leaving you shattered.. your heart aching.. and you've forgotten why you bother waking up each morning.. no one understand this void you feel.. the pain..

Sometime very soon the POET in me is gonna wake up.........and RAISE HELL....... i should seriously think about doing something to stop such lines....uffffff

after this post.. i'm heading straight to bed... *yawn* i'm tired.. this week was rather draining.. even though i didnt really do anything significant.. jus been really kinda drained recently.. n looking forward to the hols..
ppreaciate it..

i think god works in mysterious ways too... after my Marketing class.. i managed to get picked to do the assignment with what i felt was the stronger group in my class..

yea.. right about now its sounding super trivial.. n rather primary sch.. n plain superficial.. but at that moment.. jus getting picked did a fair bit to counter that feeling of alienation.. erm.. feeling really dumb right now..

so just to let everyone who loves me know.. muack muack.. that i'm over that...

i'm feeling all good.. hmm.. *yawn*

whats going on ....!!!!

Not that i don't want to study or revise.
And i know examinations are over.
I also know that i scored badly in the tests.

Problems ARE:

I get sleepy easily..juz by reading the notes, trying to figure out the whys n hows. Thinking that it was because of the stale air in my room, i studied in the living room. I would still be sleepy, somemore...
...Temptations outside in my living room is too great- the computer with its online connection makes me wanna surf the net, play POOL or WORMS...wahhhhh!
I cant focus really...read abt some ABCs theories, "ok..so this is the A's theory". I get up to get a drink, come back and i was like, "hmmmm, what's the theory i was studying abt juz now? B's or C's?? wtf...-.-" *messing with my hair vigourously*
plainly...i think i'm lazy. Short, sweet, cute and nice 4-letter word: LAZY >.<
no urgency feeling. This school din really stress us on the importance of the grades that much as what i used to experience back in the past, thou i know abt "打包" phenomenon that occurs commonly in University..i was thinking: fail? fail lo!

looking out of the Window....!!!!

Its a another dreamy sunday evening,ye the same time when we sit in our room and stare out of the window.......... but what is it that we are watching.....is it the people,the kids laying in the street or is it LIFE itself......... what is it ???????
Somebody once told me that as a young adult,monday-friday(eve) is career oriented.friday(eve) - saturday is for one's personal pleasure and the whole of sunday should be dedicated to family......... true most of these things are over lapping. But a few minutes ago when i was sitting at the window of my window and staring at the white building across the street,my thoughts started to wander............ they actually were flying... pretty impressive heh....!!!
What actually is this "WINDOW" we are looking out of, it is Your own "LIFESTYLE"......... surprised don't be. A individuals perception of life or society is based on both external(friends, where he hangs out etc) and internal factors (values,principles...etc) and as a person i would certainly look at the outside environment with a predetermined BIAS towards my "way of life" and good or bad would be based on this BIAS.
when we look out of this multi-layered window............. WHAT ARE WE LOOKING OUT FOR..........now isn't this the big Question............. it is in these kinds of moments when a person is vulnerable,he thoughts affect him/her in a such a manner that it creates a BIAS or PREJUDICE in his mind towards another depending not only on his experiences with the person but also based on what friends and family tell YOU about that other person........... sometimes it can be your own decision ...... well Inclination would be a better word ,i would say.
Now these are the moments that LOVE happens,atleast to a certain extent. When you sit all alone with yourself,we start to think and ponder about our interactions with others and if we have happy/interesting time with someone we do a lot of introspection about it and sub-consciously we develop an AFFINITY towards them.]
There goes my very nature of being a " Die Hard Romantic" well atleast believes am 1..... well don't blame me am trying to get in touch with the more refined things in LIFE.
Having spoken about love and solitude we shouldn't forget that these moments can really inspire a person to excel,to be what he always wanted to be cause in these moments of solitude as we start reflecting on our past experiences we feel this potent surge to do what we have not been able to do, it is in these moments that we fall back on the glorious moments of our HEROS........... and trust me its every little boy's dream to be compared with his HERO, and with the resurgence of these thoughts we feel the PASSION rekindled and after that moment it all depends on how bad you want it.

So the "window" we are staring out of isn't actually a window,its actually our personal outlook towards life and what we see outside this window totally depends on the individual...... for the better or for the worse this "WINDOW" of exploration is essential to the very existence of Humanity.

The Whatever.....

To coin a phrase from the great Bogart film Cassablanca, we continue to wait and wait and wait. . . . What are we waiting for? Talking about the "wait" that individuals have to endure, is quite interesting. The so called "wait" of an individual is a direct reflection/reflections of his aspirations and inner most desires. Every individual waits for something in life. If an individuals life is akin to a GRID their always some squares which are left empty,well is that bad, i don't think so. This wait is what carves the character of a person,and as we know CHARACTER IS NOT MADE IN A CRISIS,ITS EXHIBITED.
Their are only 2 things that i always wait for in life,LOVE and SUCCESS its an eternal Quest that never seems to end.....atleast not yet. The worst part with success is an individual is never content with it and LOVE.... don't think am the right person to comment about it........ Disqualified on being a Fresher.
Success always belongs to 1 individual, using him as a channel it conduits through his family and friends but LOVE is a totally different entity. LOVE begets LOVE now this phrase should be thrown out of the window, in retrospect how i wish that phrase so true. If only LOVE begets LOVE,there wouldn't have been a DEVDAS........and ofcourse the legendary DOG..shawl and his whisky bottle.
I always out of curiosity read a few articles on relationships that get published in newspapers,now sometimes i can't stop laughing at them cause they seem so absurd....but the fact of the matter is the remedies or whatever they call it do work....but its a short term arrangement.... Now this is an Empirical statement made my a friend of mine.
" There exist only three things worthy of respect, the priest,the soldier and the poet. To Know,to kill and to Create. Love is always or should i say has been always expressed symbolically using poetry,and Love has always been respected by mankind as the refined essence of Life itself. Once we mention love can music be far behind, and what better words than " After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is MUSIC"............... Music has been used as an instrument to convey Love not just by the learned but by the layman too,cause as ELVIS once said " I don't know anything about music,i don't need to". Music itself shows the individual a path to express himself.
Love is in the air, all we need to do is to sense it. Its not about finding the perfect lover its about Creating Perfect LOVE.
I started out wanting to write about the "WAIT" of individuals for that few special things in life that we as individual cherish about but it has come out as something totally different,Strange are the ways of blogging.

just Sailing through............

Well, I can honestly say the last couple weeks have been interesting, there has been a lot of stuff going on in my life that I’m not entirely ready to talk about, but there has also been a lot of things going on that I am ready to talk about.
Right from my childhood i secretly admired the FUHRER,moi thinks hez a great guy........ yeah yeah he had killed a lotta ppl and history has stamped him as a dictator but there is no denying his GREATNESS. HITLER was probably the 1st person to realize the value of quality roads,true the ultirior was for better transportation of troops but it was brilliantly hid behind a VENEER of food for work.....now this concept some argue was picked up from an american policy during the gr8 depression... may b who cares. I was reading abt the gr8 man a few days back and his childhood dream was to become a PRIEST....... ufffff hard to imagine that. I really wanna read MEIN KAMPF......"My Struggle" in english, but many ppl feel that it is partly autobiographical filled with filled with glorified inaccuracies, self-serving half-truths and outright revisionism........
and interestingly 2 of the most famous and recognized symbols in human history "THE PRANCING HORSE" of FERRARI and "SWASTIKA" of the NAZI's are not originals...........
and hear this the NAZI "SWASTIKA" originally was the "COAT OF ARMS" of a monastery.......... think about it
and "THE PRANCING HORSE" was orginally the symbol of the ITALIAN fighter pilots SQUADRON...... his name FRANCESCO BARRACCA.....his claim to fame...... well his simply shot down 38 planes in WORLD WAR 1....... match that
HITLER wasn't a bad guy, he did everything for the glory of GERMANY.......his motherland... and hez also supposed to be one of the greatest motivational speakers in the hisotry of humanity.......
now watelse can i say abt the gr8 man.......... hez carved a niche for himself in history.........

Haven't posted in a while and everybody wants me to write more about myself in my blog and not about my friends or ppl i like...... thought ppl always wanted to know what their friends thought of them....... changing times i suppose.
My life doesn't seem to have any particular pattern,a few days got into a big arguement with a pal of mine about HINDUISM....... now hez an atehist and doesn't concur to the existence of GOD.... but KC ol'chap finally made him realize tht GOD is the PERCEPTION of human mind.... GOD exists b'coz we humans want it that way.
Ye talking about GOD, i don't Question his presence specially having been brought up in a GOD fearing family..... but am not the the kind of person to discuss RELIGION or PHILOSOPHY with....
I AM NOT AS EVOLVED AS YOU ARE. I CANNOT RELATE TO LARGE ENTITIES LIKE MANKIND OR HIGHER IDEALS EXCPET THROUGH A PERSON.MY GOD HAS TO BE PERSONAL,ALIVE,A PALPABLE PRESENCE.HE HAS TO PERMEATE,MIND AND BODY. HE MUST FILL EVERY INCH IN AND AROUNDME,LIKE MIRABAI'S KRISHNA. IF I HAVE THAT THERE IS NO SCARIFICE THAT I CANNOT MAKE,THERE IS NO RIVER I CANNOT SWIM ACROSS,NO WORK THAT I CANNOT COMPLETE,HOWEVER DIFFICULT.
well,my idea about my kinda GOD seems to have come out ok....

GOD is a PERCEPTION and this PERCEPTION encompasses a lotta things..... which i truly am not qualified to talk abt........

moi 1st CrUsH

It goes a long way back,back to good old school days. It was in my sixth standard,well that was when i was in this GURL HATER CLUB..... strange isn't it. Never ever in my wildest of dreams did i want a sister, lotta ppl might disagree but having broz is much more fun, its empirical.
While this kid was happily playing around, BANG......CRASH....KABOOM enter shweta........ oh wat a gal, one of the very few gals at tht age with whom i wanted to be pally with.Now lemme describe SHWETA, she should be around 5'6,fair,black eyes, brownish medium length hair, a captivating smile and a enchanting voice.....she was the "IGNITE A SPARK" kinda gal.
Our friendship started in a strange fashion, at KING & CARDINAL (KC) it was a saturday afternoon and as usual we guys had a special class and moi was at KC having a burger and pepsi,shweta too comes there to have lunch but is all alone..... so was i.. we were class mates for a month now but neva spoke to each other. Moi was shocked when she said HI to me,i replied with a HELLO and we started talking about our class etc etc and we even walked back to school together...my 1st ever walk with a gal,from tht day for the next 1 month we spoke to each other daily and every oppurtunity,guess she was amused to spend time with a "TALKING MONKEY"
Come august and i had realized how much i liked her and i would like to think the attraction was mutual,based on the fact tht she spent a lotta time with me. As we started spending more and more time with each other the bond between us started growing stronger and stronger at 12 i didn't have a clue about what was happening but i never wanted it to end. SHWETA used to do these small wonderful things for me,she always used to get biscuits for me,complete my telugu notes,carry a extra pencil box,do my craft work because she never liked tht MOTI craft teacher scolding me. INTERESTINGLY,i started slogging like hell in order to compete with her in the acads dept and a 70% student like me raised and bar and moi avg scores were around 82%..............
SHWETA and me as expected shared a spl bond, we shared a lotta special things together and yes i still have the PERFUMED candle that she gave it to me as a present she got tht for me all the way from pondicherry. As she stayed close to my place,we used to spend saturday afternoons together mostly at moi place playing with my NINTENDO......... GOOF TROOP being our fav game coz we could play it together. somehow SHWETA always wanted to play only those games that she was good at,which i neva quite agreed to. OU campus has been a place where we did spend some time,specially at landscape garden,but our fav hangout was KING & CARDINAL we used to go there every saturday afternoon to eat a burger and also spend some quality time together.
SHWETA and moi had our share of fights too, well she used to hit me if i didn't give her my choclates........ she fought for very petty reasons watelse could you expect from two 12 yr olds.
The best thing abt SHWETA and moi was tht,not only did we like each other a lot but we were also BEST buddies,which further enhanced the liking between us.
This perpetual BLISS lasted for 2 whole years nothing could go wrong i felt like an invincible warrior and incidentally SHWETA happens to be the 1st gal i ever spoke with my father about.
After my 7th standard, i heard the news tht her family was shifting to b'lore nothing ever hurt me more. SHWETA herself never told me this news,but we didn't speak to each other for 1 whole week........ and finally we spoke, before she left i searched a lotta places to find her a gift with which to remember me by abd i presented her a small wooden ship complete with sails and a mast too. SHWETAz family finally left,and the day before they left she came to meet me and spent 3 hours alone with me and that was the 1st and till date the only PECK or anything of tht sort tht i got from a gal and i didn't return the favour cause i was totally pissed off at her for leaving hyderabad. After SHWETA left,i kinda started feeling lonely....took to sports.... somehow i got hardened from inside..... the word CALLOUS entered into my life...........
After 7-8 yrs i finally meet SHWETA again, at LIFESTYLE but alas she was with her FIANCE..... for a moment the FLAME was REKINDLED again. Now shez happily married and hopefully is content with her life.


She might have left me and gone,but SHWETA will always have a special place in my heart.......... she happens to be my PUPPY LOVE.